The availability of money is very important in marriage because it provides the necessities and the essentials of life. Money provides for those things that give comfort.
As important as money is however, it is one of the most common causes of conflict in marriage and divorce. There are many attitudes or habits with money that can make or mar a relationship.
These include:
Lack of Transparency:
The lack of openness, between couples in financial matters breeds suspicion and ill-feelings. Couples in marriage are expected to be naked before each other and the nakedness implies that a partner should reveal to the other every detail of his finances. A partner should make known to the other the full details of his pay packet, assets, liabilities and obligations, wants, needs and plans.
Openness builds trust and promotes friendship and intimacy. It amounts to selfishness and self-centeredness when a partner is secretive in financial matters.
The way forward is for the couple to talk about their finances, hiding nothing from each other.
Lack of Adequate Provision:
It is the duty of the man/husband to provide for the needs of the family. The failure to fulfill this essential responsibility will cause disaffection and trouble in the home. Among the many factors that make a man a real man is his ability to meet the financial needs of the family in terms of feeding, shelter, education, health etc.
Inadequate Attention to the spouse:
Indiscriminate pursuit of money to meet family financial obligations can disconnect a husband (the usual bread winner) from his wife. The wife needs the money but also needs the man as well. So it is not enough to provide her financial needs while neglecting her emotional needs.
Purchasing items that are not really needed, buying on impulse, living above one’s income, trying to live like the Jones, often leads to debts and bankruptcy which will do more harm than good to the marriage.
Dependent Attitude:
This occurs where a partner sees the other as his/her source of supply or provision, depending wholly on him for sustenance and not doing anything productive to support.
Wives, especially the housewives or sit-at-home mums should endeavor to engage themselves in some productive activity, no matter how little, to be able to have a financial means and to be in a position to contribute, when necessary to do so.
From the above, it can be seen that marriage is a relationship that must be worked upon through definite and conscious efforts if the couple want a successful marriage. Good marriages do not just happen.
Ayodele Adegbulugbe
www.relationship4growth.blogspot.com
Lagos, Nigeria
2348035978352
Saturday, November 3, 2012
39 FOOLISH THINGS COUPLES DO IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is for matured minds and there are lots of wrong steps and decisions which couples take and adopt towards each other. Maturity is not a function of age only. It goes beyond age.
Thirty nine of the foolish things that couples do in marriage which hastens the breakdown of the relationship are as follows:
- Malice
-Rejecting food because you are angry with your wife
-Abusing each other
-Reporting each other to third parties
-Sexual denial
-Hatred and loveless
-Failure to provide for the family
-Nagging and murmuring
-Night crawling
-Failure to apologize when wrong
-Failure to pray with your spouse
-Failure to forgive your spouse
-Embarrassing your spouse openly
-Comparing your spouse with others
-Loving your siblings and parents more than your spouse
-Failing to go for counseling when the marriage is in trouble
-Failing to stay committed to your marriage
-Thinking about or considering divorce as an option
-Keeping things secret from your spouse
-Threatening to separate from, or divorce your spouse
-Shouting or raising your voice during discussions
-Arguments which no one is ready to lose
-Taking credit for any good thing and not giving any to your spouse
-Selfishness and self-centredness
-Allowing friends and family to direct the affairs of your home
-Not accepting blame for a mistake
-Laziness and failure to work
-Competing with spouse at home
-Talking about your 'ex' boyfriend or girlfriend often
-Unfriendly and uncaring attitude
-Wife battery
-Stinginess, loving to receive and not willing to give
-Drunkenness
-Treating your spouse without respect
-Failure to communicate and discuss issues as they arise
-Wasteful spending
-Allowing anger, bitterness and resentment to dominate your life
-Often referring to old hurts
-Taking vengeance of every offense
-Refusing reconciliation
If you are guilty of one or more of the above traits of immaturity in marriage, then you need to work on yourself.
Ayodele Adegbulugbe
Lagos,Nigeria
Thirty nine of the foolish things that couples do in marriage which hastens the breakdown of the relationship are as follows:
- Malice
-Rejecting food because you are angry with your wife
-Abusing each other
-Reporting each other to third parties
-Sexual denial
-Hatred and loveless
-Failure to provide for the family
-Nagging and murmuring
-Night crawling
-Failure to apologize when wrong
-Failure to pray with your spouse
-Failure to forgive your spouse
-Embarrassing your spouse openly
-Comparing your spouse with others
-Loving your siblings and parents more than your spouse
-Failing to go for counseling when the marriage is in trouble
-Failing to stay committed to your marriage
-Thinking about or considering divorce as an option
-Keeping things secret from your spouse
-Threatening to separate from, or divorce your spouse
-Shouting or raising your voice during discussions
-Arguments which no one is ready to lose
-Taking credit for any good thing and not giving any to your spouse
-Selfishness and self-centredness
-Allowing friends and family to direct the affairs of your home
-Not accepting blame for a mistake
-Laziness and failure to work
-Competing with spouse at home
-Talking about your 'ex' boyfriend or girlfriend often
-Unfriendly and uncaring attitude
-Wife battery
-Stinginess, loving to receive and not willing to give
-Drunkenness
-Treating your spouse without respect
-Failure to communicate and discuss issues as they arise
-Wasteful spending
-Allowing anger, bitterness and resentment to dominate your life
-Often referring to old hurts
-Taking vengeance of every offense
-Refusing reconciliation
If you are guilty of one or more of the above traits of immaturity in marriage, then you need to work on yourself.
Ayodele Adegbulugbe
Lagos,Nigeria
THE ANGRY AND CONTENTIOUS WIFE (PROVERBS 21:29)
Marriage is a school from which no spouse ever graduates until death. This is because marriage as a divinely created institution is a lifelong contract between two persons-a man and a woman- who have agreed to live together as husband and wife till death do them part. Marriage is a two-some contract between a man and a woman. It is also a three-some covenant between the man, the woman and God the creator.
Of all human relationships, marriage is the most unique form which brings together two personalities from different social, spiritual, intellectual and emotional backgrounds. Psalm 139:14 says that man is fearfully and wonderfully created which means that there are no two persons that are exactly alike.
It takes much time to be able to learn and accommodate the other spouse’s likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences. It requires the grace of God, knowledge and wisdom to adjust and blend in with the differences for a harmonious coexistence. In marriage, there is always something new to learn and the marriage curriculum can never be exhausted. No one knows it all except God. For the spouses, the more they learn and can apply the better for the marriage.
This post focuses on Christian marriages and is directed at the angry and contentious wife (Proverbs 21:29) who makes unkind and derogatory remarks about her husband in the presence of neighbors, friends and relations. She tramples on her husband’s self-esteem at will and sets in motion an ugly chain of reactions which she may not be able to reverse later and may spell doom for the marriage. No reasonable husband can place any iota of trust in a contentious wife unlike the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31.
A man’s self-esteem is his image, his pride and his idea of how the world sees him. It is a man’s sense of worth before others. It is his sense of respect which he enjoys from others. A wife who damages her husband’s self-esteem does incalculable damage which may cause the death of the marriage over time. Many husbands may not bother about what a wife says or does as long as their ego is not hurt. Many husbands (Christians and non-Christians) will not take it kindly with any woman who tramples on their self-esteem.
No man or husband is perfect as all men (including women) have faults and shortcomings. Many husbands have shortcomings in the social, marital, spiritual, intellectual and financial arena. How should a wife react to a husband’s failings in marriage? There are four ways that women adopt when reacting:
1) Some refuse to talk preferring to nurse a grudge against the husband. This can cause great pressure and distress later on. The husband is completely in the dark about the problem
2) Some become rude but without discussing the problem with the husband who does not know. This irritates him and he may draw wrong conclusions which may worsen the matter.
3) Some will deliberately hurt the husband via verbal attacks on his person with the intent to humiliate him before others. This method eventually will destroy the home and the marriage if not checked.
4) The wise wife will talk about the issues while taking care not to trample on her husband’s self-esteem. This is good communication strategy that enhances harmony and promotes peaceful coexistence in the marriage.
The unwise wife, who is the angry and contentious woman, tramples on her husband’s ego in the following ways:
-nagging and embarrassing him before others
-speaking to him roughly in the presence of his relations
-deliberately violating his instructions in order to spite him
-saying the truth but with the wrong approach as follows:
a) Choosing the wrong time to say it (when)
b) Choosing the wrong location to say it (where)
c) Choosing the wrong medium to say it (how)
The above characteristics of the angry and contentious woman/wife are a breach of biblical guidelines and instructions on relationship with others. The Bible expressly teaches Christians not to engage in the following sinful practices:
-destroying one another (Galatians 5:15)
-provoking one another (Galatians 5:26)
-slandering one another (James 4:11)
-grumbling against one another (James 5:9)
The above, known as the negative ‘one anothers’ create disunity and is evidence of the sinful nature that we are expected to do away with. The Bible teaches us to forbear with one another in the following ways:
-to honor one another (Romans 12:10)
-to love one another (Romans 13:8)
-to accept one another (Romans 15:7)
-to care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25)
-to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
-to bear with one another (Ephesians 4:2)
-to encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18)
-to pray for one another (James 5:16)
-to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)
The above are the positive ‘one anothers’ which is evidence of the fruits of the Spirit expected of every Heaven bound Christian. Therefore, the wife is advised to take the following steps to address her husband’s shortcomings:
Communication
Never disobey a husband’s instructions because to do so is to hurt him. He will see it as a challenge and will want to assert his authority
Discuss issues with him with an attitude of politeness and humility. Discuss with him in the right mood i.e. when he is happy and in a private place.
Present your worries and opinions lovingly and carefully, using the right choice of words and taking care not to force your opinions on him.
Submission
If he refuses to see your point, submit to his view. If he finds out later that he is in the wrong and you are in the right, he will respect your opinion and begin to abide by it.
But if he refuses to see your point and you also refuse to submit, he will likely see it as an affront on his authority. Even when he knows that you are right, he may not consider your opinions because you were insubordinate.
Helpmeet
A wife is a helpmeet. It may not be possible to change a man when he has become a husband. The wife as a helpmeet is expected to complement her husband and protect his interests. Cover up his deficiencies, not exposing him to public ridicule. A true helpmeet will not be scouting for faults when she also has hers which Christ overlooked.
Love
Where there is no love or where love is thin, faults are thick. Before the marriage, love has eyes and can see but after the wedding, love becomes blind and cannot see faults. Marriage is adjustment and acceptance. Overlook his faults and focus more on his strengths and potentials. Love is a decision.You can love the unlovable even when it is not convenient.
Encourage him, respect him, stand by him, pray for him and counsel him. Be a dependable woman to him, not a ‘broadcaster’ of his weaknesses. Pray for the grace to be the woman behind his success. Pray to be a pillar behind him and not a caterpillar that destroys.
Ayodele Adegbulugbe
2348035978352
Of all human relationships, marriage is the most unique form which brings together two personalities from different social, spiritual, intellectual and emotional backgrounds. Psalm 139:14 says that man is fearfully and wonderfully created which means that there are no two persons that are exactly alike.
It takes much time to be able to learn and accommodate the other spouse’s likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences. It requires the grace of God, knowledge and wisdom to adjust and blend in with the differences for a harmonious coexistence. In marriage, there is always something new to learn and the marriage curriculum can never be exhausted. No one knows it all except God. For the spouses, the more they learn and can apply the better for the marriage.
This post focuses on Christian marriages and is directed at the angry and contentious wife (Proverbs 21:29) who makes unkind and derogatory remarks about her husband in the presence of neighbors, friends and relations. She tramples on her husband’s self-esteem at will and sets in motion an ugly chain of reactions which she may not be able to reverse later and may spell doom for the marriage. No reasonable husband can place any iota of trust in a contentious wife unlike the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31.
A man’s self-esteem is his image, his pride and his idea of how the world sees him. It is a man’s sense of worth before others. It is his sense of respect which he enjoys from others. A wife who damages her husband’s self-esteem does incalculable damage which may cause the death of the marriage over time. Many husbands may not bother about what a wife says or does as long as their ego is not hurt. Many husbands (Christians and non-Christians) will not take it kindly with any woman who tramples on their self-esteem.
No man or husband is perfect as all men (including women) have faults and shortcomings. Many husbands have shortcomings in the social, marital, spiritual, intellectual and financial arena. How should a wife react to a husband’s failings in marriage? There are four ways that women adopt when reacting:
1) Some refuse to talk preferring to nurse a grudge against the husband. This can cause great pressure and distress later on. The husband is completely in the dark about the problem
2) Some become rude but without discussing the problem with the husband who does not know. This irritates him and he may draw wrong conclusions which may worsen the matter.
3) Some will deliberately hurt the husband via verbal attacks on his person with the intent to humiliate him before others. This method eventually will destroy the home and the marriage if not checked.
4) The wise wife will talk about the issues while taking care not to trample on her husband’s self-esteem. This is good communication strategy that enhances harmony and promotes peaceful coexistence in the marriage.
The unwise wife, who is the angry and contentious woman, tramples on her husband’s ego in the following ways:
-nagging and embarrassing him before others
-speaking to him roughly in the presence of his relations
-deliberately violating his instructions in order to spite him
-saying the truth but with the wrong approach as follows:
a) Choosing the wrong time to say it (when)
b) Choosing the wrong location to say it (where)
c) Choosing the wrong medium to say it (how)
The above characteristics of the angry and contentious woman/wife are a breach of biblical guidelines and instructions on relationship with others. The Bible expressly teaches Christians not to engage in the following sinful practices:
-destroying one another (Galatians 5:15)
-provoking one another (Galatians 5:26)
-slandering one another (James 4:11)
-grumbling against one another (James 5:9)
The above, known as the negative ‘one anothers’ create disunity and is evidence of the sinful nature that we are expected to do away with. The Bible teaches us to forbear with one another in the following ways:
-to honor one another (Romans 12:10)
-to love one another (Romans 13:8)
-to accept one another (Romans 15:7)
-to care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25)
-to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
-to bear with one another (Ephesians 4:2)
-to encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18)
-to pray for one another (James 5:16)
-to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)
The above are the positive ‘one anothers’ which is evidence of the fruits of the Spirit expected of every Heaven bound Christian. Therefore, the wife is advised to take the following steps to address her husband’s shortcomings:
Communication
Never disobey a husband’s instructions because to do so is to hurt him. He will see it as a challenge and will want to assert his authority
Discuss issues with him with an attitude of politeness and humility. Discuss with him in the right mood i.e. when he is happy and in a private place.
Present your worries and opinions lovingly and carefully, using the right choice of words and taking care not to force your opinions on him.
Submission
If he refuses to see your point, submit to his view. If he finds out later that he is in the wrong and you are in the right, he will respect your opinion and begin to abide by it.
But if he refuses to see your point and you also refuse to submit, he will likely see it as an affront on his authority. Even when he knows that you are right, he may not consider your opinions because you were insubordinate.
Helpmeet
A wife is a helpmeet. It may not be possible to change a man when he has become a husband. The wife as a helpmeet is expected to complement her husband and protect his interests. Cover up his deficiencies, not exposing him to public ridicule. A true helpmeet will not be scouting for faults when she also has hers which Christ overlooked.
Love
Where there is no love or where love is thin, faults are thick. Before the marriage, love has eyes and can see but after the wedding, love becomes blind and cannot see faults. Marriage is adjustment and acceptance. Overlook his faults and focus more on his strengths and potentials. Love is a decision.You can love the unlovable even when it is not convenient.
Encourage him, respect him, stand by him, pray for him and counsel him. Be a dependable woman to him, not a ‘broadcaster’ of his weaknesses. Pray for the grace to be the woman behind his success. Pray to be a pillar behind him and not a caterpillar that destroys.
Ayodele Adegbulugbe
2348035978352
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